Wednesday, March 19, 2003

This is my first blog, which I started as a way to communicate intellectual thoughts that I normally cannot share with a 2 or 5 year old. That's what I've got, a 2 and 5 year old, both boys. They are quite frankly the most beautiful children I've ever seen, which is completely opinion and not one whit fact. (That's okay, though, it's my blog.) I really want to say, though, like Everybody Loves Raymond, it's not about the kids. I stay at home with my boys and while I know that I'm doing the absolute best thing for my kids, it is the hardest stinking thing I've ever done in my life. I struggle with the loss of power and control that I've had to surrender to my kids, for instance it's been years since I've decided when to wake up in the morning, and now even on vacation without the kids I wake up on their schedule.

I do love my boys more than life itself, which is an interesting part of the whole struggle - if I am willing to put my life in harm's way to save them (which I am) am I just as willing to sacrifice my life daily to give them the best life? And am I willing to do this every day for the next 20 years, even if it never gets easier?

So this is my introduction - I am a mid-20's stay at home mom in suburbia wondering if this is all there is to life and if not, how can I make it more?